they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
