Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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