Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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