I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
