i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
