I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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