I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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