its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
