About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
