The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
