i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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