the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
