i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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