just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
