did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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