im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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