Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
