I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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