I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
