Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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