I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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