I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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