i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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