Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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