when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Randomize