my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
