Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
