i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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