Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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