I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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