loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
So. Much. Porn.
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