Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
