was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
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i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
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We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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