shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
