i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
