I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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