Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
nutella sex= disaster
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
