Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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