now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
