I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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