i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
