Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
