ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
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That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
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I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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