i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
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From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
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He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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