She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize