we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
