i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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