Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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