i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
