I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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