This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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