My pussy is not your playground.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
