i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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