I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
