i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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