Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
