so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
