my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
