You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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