I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
