If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
