so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You ate ashes out of my bong
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
