She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
