What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
