I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
