broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
