Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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