I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
