he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
