at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
