The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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