happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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